She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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