I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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