i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
