Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
