I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
