I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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