Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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