you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
