So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
