I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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