So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.