just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
