I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
