I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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