He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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