i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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