I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
one two three fourrrrnication!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
