You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
