what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wish my penis had a tongue
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
