So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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