you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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