I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
