1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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