Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
