just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
