i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
