I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
