I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
