I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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