So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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