He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
