I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
