Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
