he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
