You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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