'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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