my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
