I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
