you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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