he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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