Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
