Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
