Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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