TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there is glitter all over my balls
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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