please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
