...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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