thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
