duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
