So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
