so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
