We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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