i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
