Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
