im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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