..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
