Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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