So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
