The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
