I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize