So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your cock deserves a montage
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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