I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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