i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
