oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
