the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
