That's intense
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
