Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
