here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
