the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
